Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
