He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
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You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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