He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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