i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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