He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
