I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize