beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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