oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
