I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
