i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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