I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
