shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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