I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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