Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
