I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
