I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
