she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
