It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it glows. i had to have it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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