I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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