please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
