I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
