my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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