you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The feeling are messing with the penis
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
