Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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