as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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