i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
