Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
