i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
