Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
they need to just BURY HIM!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
