her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
