belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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