if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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