imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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