I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
PANTIES FOUND
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
