my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize