Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
