Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They took my balls.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
