It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
