I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
