i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
