im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
