I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
