This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
