He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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