Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
