I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
