you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
