am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
