I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
