True but thats because hes a fetus.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
