i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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