Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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