this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
