I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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