I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
