i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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