It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
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I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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