Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
