i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
