so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
foreskin is a definite game changer
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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