i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
