THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
