at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
