You're my little dorito
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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