Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
