i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
