she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
