i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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