thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
