I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
