It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
