This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
