dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
