Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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